A cataclysmic event like the death of a loved one, divorce, or job loss dramatically shifts us from a state of stability into the unknown. Stability offers a sense of continuity, routine, and security, while such unexpected events dismantle that foundation, forcing us into a space where growth, adaptation, and emotional processing become necessary.

When something significant occurs, especially unexpectedly, it directly affects our mental health. These events disrupt our familiar patterns and throw our lives into emotional and practical turmoil. We may experience intense feelings of loss and grief, as our subconscious mind, which thrives on repetition and stability, struggles to cope with sudden change.

Whether the change is gradual, like separation and divorce, or immediate, like the sudden death of a loved one, the event triggers a cascade of emotional and psychological responses such as shock, grief, confusion, and even disorientation. In these moments, our natural inclination is to resist change. The subconscious mind clings to established routines and familiar behaviours, attempting to restore a sense of stability. For instance, someone experiencing bereavement may wake up expecting their loved one to still be there, only to be painfully reminded that they are gone. This is because the subconscious takes longer to process and accept changes that contradict its habitual patterns.

Faced with sudden, unwelcome change, resistance is a natural, almost automatic, reaction. This resistance stems from the mind’s need to hold on to the safety and familiarity of stability. Our subconscious mind is programmed to maintain order through daily habits and conditioned responses, but when those routines are shattered, the mind becomes overwhelmed, leading to a sense of confusion, forgetfulness, and emotional exhaustion. This is evident in the grieving process.

Grief

After the loss of a loved one, it can take weeks or even months for the subconscious mind to adjust to the new reality. During that time, the conscious mind bears the weight of constantly reminding the subconscious that the loss is real, which can feel mentally and emotionally exhausting. This ongoing mental battle adds to the feelings of disorientation that many grieving individual’s experience, leaving them questioning their sanity.

The subconscious starts to adapt in time, and the gradual process of adjustment to sudden change begins. Just as our mind gradually learned routines and habits during stable periods, it can relearn new patterns in the wake of change. But this adaptation doesn’t happen overnight. Eventually, as the subconscious begins to acknowledge the reality of the situation, the emotional and cognitive strain on the conscious mind starts to ease. As the subconscious adjusts, feelings of confusion and mental overload begin to lift. The grieving person starts to experience moments of clarity, and with it, the ability to process their feelings of loss in a more focused and manageable way. This adjustment marks the point where growth begins to emerge from the loss of stability.

A extract from my new book on change and inner transformation – A Compass for Change.