Tag Archives: a compass for change

Objectivity and Subjectivity.

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Objectivity is based on realism, it is an unbiased, balanced observation based on verifiable fact. Subjectivity is based on opinion, it is assumption, interpreted without verifiable facts. Objectivity is the perception of external matters; subjectivity is the perception of internal matters. Subjectivity and objectivity co-exist in us and both are necessary pathways to inner and outer awareness. We require a doctor’s unbiased diagnosis, however, their prescriptive treatment may be both objective (based on factual research) and subjective (based on personal/professional experience).

When we are in the throes of a difficult life transition, we want someone to listen to us. If we are not heard on a personal level, our whirlwind of thought and emotion creates a loop of frenetic and agitated behaviour, which in turn leads to anxiety and other mental health issues. We need to look at mental health in a new and productive way, we mustn’t wait until there is a build-up of emotional pain or psychological incapacity before we approach self-help and therapy. We need to recognise the difference between subjectivity and reality, the difference between opinion and fact. Long held beliefs based on childhood conditioning can easily be mistaken for the truth, just as self-talk is confused with true self. We must sift through the subconscious to find the knots that tie us to outdated modes of thinking; conditioned beliefs that no longer serve our best interest.

Image: Brooke Shaden Photography

We need to look at the facts before forming an opinion as opposed to forming an opinion then looking for facts to support it, while ignoring any facts that contradict our set opinion.  Often in life we will clash with someone who has a differing opinion to our own. We are quick to point out the holes in someone else’s opinion but not so eager to examine our own. We tend to align ourselves with people who share our beliefs and think like we do but it doesn’t necessarily follow that we will have the same opinions. Trying to convince someone that they are wrong is futile, instead provide them with the facts and let them come to their own conclusion. The same approach applies to ourselves. If we are entrenched in a particular belief, we must look at the source of that belief and how it underpins our identity. Subjectivity is often based on conditioned beliefs and it requires a shift in attitude and behaviour to allow objectivity to surface. When we cling to a subjective belief, it becomes necessary to our identity, even if that opinion causes us anxiety. We cling to the crumbling ruin of our subconscious beliefs rather than build solid foundations based on realism and objectivity. If we believe the moon is made of cheese, we will avoid any evidence to the contrary because doing so will destabilise our identity. Even if our reasoning is corrupt, we forge ahead with arguments based on hyperbole rather than fact so that we can substantiate our fragile ego. Rather that debate opinion, the mature approach is to sift fact from fiction. If the debate is based on reason and logic, then it is easy to examine the facts. If an argument is based on differing opinions the mature approach is to agree to differ. It is futile to debate whether the moon is made of Wensleydale or Cheddar. We require objectivity for reasoning and critical thinking, subjectivity helps with context and experience.

From my upcoming book – A Compass or Change. For one to one counselling appointments on Zoom contact me here:

Collette O’Mahony 14/04/2024

(info@colletteomahony.com)

Change and Direction.

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One thing to remember when navigating change that it is not a search for something. The seeds of change are already within us, our journey is a measure of distance between germination and fruition. We are born innocent but the seeds of wisdom are within us. Perhaps, we may lose our innocence on the path to wisdom, but the route from one to the other is the journey of a lifetime.  We are precariously perched on wings of hope and destiny, desperately trying not to fall into oblivion. But stronger wings grow from self-love and inner-strength, wings that lift us above fear and failure. These are the wings of Gratitude and Trust.

Our world cannot change by intentions alone. The behaviour and actions we take on our journey of change is reflected in each step along the way. Some parts may be pleasurable, others we take a much needed rest. There may be roadblocks and obstacles along our path, emotions like thunderstorms will rain down upon us to clear the way. Life will deliver the perfect conditions to support and nurture our growth. Pay close attention to conversations, reactions and habits, they hold clues to our unconscious patterns. Be especially vigilant when triggers are pushed, and the cause of it. It is easier to see faults and failings in others than in ourselves; there is an adage in terms of healing that ‘if you spot it you got it.’ We can turn this reflection to our advantage by making a note of what we resist. Our emotions charge our thoughts, our thoughts inform our behaviour, and behaviour creates character. We need to look at our character from an objective place, as an amalgamation of thoughts, emotions and behaviours. All these elements are interchangeable and fluid, it is our refusal to shift perspective that makes the character feel compacted and frozen in time. Real change is never outside of us, it is within. This requires our emotions to flow freely, our behaviour to be malleable and our thoughts to rise like vapour above the limitations of majority thinking.

The infinite in us is aware of the finite span of human life. Change and impermanence walk side by side on the road of mortality. Yesterday is consigned to memory and today is the genesis for tomorrow’s attainment. The illusion that things stay the same is down to the same images playing over and over in our mind. Change is certain and impermanence a given. Life by its very nature plants a seed, roots, germinates, grows, blossoms and bears fruit. The fruit contains the seed of new life and the cycle of life continues again.

Collette O’Mahony 09/03/2024

Extract from my upcoming book – A Compass or Change – available May/June.

Creativity and Procrastination

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Many a creative seed has been choked by neglect. The reason for neglect is procrastination and a certainty that the idea will amount to nothing. We are not just discussing creativity that has given us masterpieces like Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, the Pyramids of Egypt, or Michelangelo’s David We are looking to create our own masterpiece to realise our true potential. We all receive creative impulses from time to time, directing these ideas require generativity.

Procrastination leads to stagnation. In his Eight stages of Development, Erik Erikson seventh stage is Generativity Vs Stagnation. Generativity involves concern for others and the desire to contribute to our world and future generations This can be achieved in a myriad of ways unique to the individual, whether through creative output, parenting or mentoring, they have a strong sense of adding value to society. Stagnation comes from feeling unproductive and uninvolved, leading to self-absorption, lack of growth and entrapment. According to Erikson, successfully navigating this stage develops a virtue of care. When we develop this virtue we feel a sense of contribution to the world, typically through family, work, and creative output. We feel unproductive by failing to find a meaningful way to contribute to the world. This leads to stagnation and a feeling of disconnect, uninvolved with our communities and society as a whole. Success in phase seven of Erikson’s timeline leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.

Procrastination has long been part of human behaviour predating the internet and the lure of scrolling. Procrastination is often a combination of fear of failure and sticking to a tried and tested formula. Anything that requires moving outside evidential experience is discarded as a flight of fancy to someone with fixed behaviour patterns. To move beyond this restricted point of view, we need to invoke a feeling of trust. Acting on a creative impulse requires determination to see it through even if we don’t know what the outcome will be. It requires trust that if our inner-directive has given us the impulse, it has also provided the energy to bring it to fruition. We can’t always see the outcome but we learn to trust the process. The suppressed energy that supplies the separate-self on an individual level, congeals to create a mass belief system among populations. Majority thinking is a mirror that reflects limitation, and it strengthens a resolve to stick to only what is tried and tested. But the limits of evidence are not the limits of imagination. Michelangelo is reputed to have said that every block of stone has a statue inside it, it is the task of the sculptor to discover it. We are the sculptors and our lives are the marble, our true face is waiting to emerge. But if we approach the marble from majority thinking, we will be just another featureless face on the frieze of humanity.

Collette O’Mahony 23/02/2024

An extract from my upcoming guidebook ‘A Compass for Change’ . Available next May/June.

For online counselling appointments please visit my Psychotherapy Page http://www.colletteomahony.com/counselling – or – email info@colletteomahony.com

Navigating Change

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An extract from my upcoming guidebook – A Compass for Change.

When something cataclysmic occurs it has a direct effect on our mental health. This may be a gradual cause like separation and divorce, or an unexpected cause such as sudden death. The cause is the event, the effect is the feelings of loss and grief. We cannot undo the event no matter how much we may wish to but we can gradually process our feelings by giving them our attention. The effect of a job loss may shake our confidence and lead to financial uncertainty, on the other hand it may lead to better opportunities and increased salary. Preparation is the key to success in most fields of endeavour, it is similar for good mental health. Most people face a crisis when unwanted change is forced upon them through tragic or unavoidable circumstance. Similarly, those who try to avoid change reach a point where their health suffers due to a clash between their conditioned mind and their inner directive. The conditioned mind functions on schemas, the parameters laid down by learned habits, beliefs and structure. It arises from childhood and is influenced by family structure, schooling, regional and national thinking. On the other hand, the inner directive is our intuition, that which says something is wrong even if others try to convince you otherwise. Too often we allow ourselves to be swayed by what people think of us, or the mood of the collective.

Our initial response to enforced change is often resistance. This is understandable given how the subconscious operates. It takes longer for our subconscious mind to accept change, it runs on a conditioned loop compromising of our daily habits and cognitive learning, culminating in repetitive behaviour patterns. When these behaviour patterns are thrown into tumult through an unexpected event, the subconscious mind tries to default to the habitual patterns causing the thinking mind to struggle with the new situation. This is something that those who are bereaved struggle with, particularly in the early stages of grief, the conscious mind has to constantly remind the subconscious that their loved one is no longer with them. It can take several months for the subconscious to acknowledge the death, when it eventually does it reduces mental pressure. This permits normal functioning of the mind to resume and allow time for the bereaved person to process grief. Many bereaved people report feeling lost, confused, forgetful or think they are losing their mind; it could just be that the thinking mind is overloaded with functions that are normally designated to the subconscious. The subconscious will eventually register the change and adapt accordingly, but during the adjustment period there are feeling of loss and grief that require inner attention.

Many people take the view that free will is an illusion, and that our behaviour is governed by forces over which we have no control. Consequently, how we act or react is viewed as predictable or unavoidable. Our behaviour can be predictable, but that doesn’t make it’s inevitable. We can choose how to behave, but this is restricted if we determine we have to behave according to our structural belief system. As individuals we are free to choose our behaviour, we have a choice to act responsibly or irresponsibly.

Collette O’Mahony. 10/02/2024

Excerpt from the guidebook – A Compass for Change.