A New Era of Therapy.

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The landscape of counselling has been transformed by the advent of online therapy. No longer do we need to stress about battling traffic, searching for a car park space near the therapist’s office, or worrying about making it to an appointment on time via public transport. Instead, we can simply make a cup of tea, settle into a quiet space, and click on the secure link sent by our therapist.

The ease and accessibility of online counselling have made therapy more inclusive and convenient, allowing individuals to seek support from the comfort of their own homes. Whether you are juggling a busy schedule, living in a remote location, or simply prefer the privacy of an online session, virtual therapy provides a seamless way to access professional support without additional logistical concerns.

The Changing Face of Online Therapy: Chrysalis and PALM

In the UK, Chrysalis has long been recognised as a leading provider of counselling courses, offering comprehensive training for aspiring therapists nationwide. Recently, they have expanded their services to include online therapy through a pioneering mental health initiative known as PALM.

Palm

I had the privilege of joining the PALM program during its pilot phase, helping to test and refine its online counselling service. The significant interest in this initiative highlights both the dedication of the team behind PALM and the growing demand for hassle-free therapy options. PALM has developed a secure video platform and booking system designed with client confidentiality and user-friendliness in mind. One of its key benefits is the ability for clients to choose a therapist who feels like the right fit for them, reinforcing the importance of a personalised therapy experience.

Making the Most of Your Online Therapy Sessions

From my experience as an online therapist, I have gathered some useful tips for those considering one-to-one online counselling. Implementing these suggestions can help ensure you get the best out of your sessions:

Preparing for Your Sessions

  • Set Clear Goals: Consider what you hope to achieve from therapy. Setting realistic and achievable goals with your therapist can provide a sense of direction and progress.
  • Understand the Process: Ask your therapist how online therapy works and what to expect. If any terminology is unfamiliar, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification.
  • Create a Safe Space: Choose a quiet, private area in your home where you won’t be disturbed. If you’re concerned about being overheard, using headphones can enhance privacy.
  • Minimise Distractions: Turn off notifications, silence your phone, and close unnecessary tabs on your laptop to remain fully present during the session.

During the Session

  • Use Your Time Wisely: Therapy is your space to explore thoughts and emotions that you may not feel comfortable discussing with friends or family. Be open and honest with your therapist about how you’re feeling.
  • Stay Present: It can be easy to let your mind wander, especially in an at-home setting. Engaging fully in the session will help you gain the most from the experience.

After the Session

  • Take Time to Reflect: Once your session ends, check in with yourself. How do you feel? Are you overwhelmed, relieved, or experiencing a mix of emotions? This self-awareness can help you process your thoughts and track your emotional progress over time.
  • Step Outside If Possible: If you’ve had an intense session, a change of scenery, such as a short walk or some fresh air, can help ground you.
  • Reach Out for Support: If you feel the need, consider letting someone you trust know that you’ve had a session. Having a trusted person check in with you afterward can be a source of comfort.

Building Trust in the Online Therapy Space

It’s completely natural for therapy to feel unfamiliar at first. Building trust and establishing a strong connection with your therapist takes time. If you ever feel uneasy or unsure, communicating these feelings with your therapist can be incredibly beneficial. Being open about your experience allows your therapist to tailor their approach to better support you.

Therapy is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth. Whether you’re navigating a significant life transition, coping with grief, or seeking to understand yourself better, online counselling offers a valuable space for reflection and change. By approaching it with an open mind and a willingness to engage, you can make the most of this transformative process—right from the comfort of your own home.

Start your counselling journey today by browsing through Palm’s directory of skilled therapists at palmtalkingtherapy.com

Article written by Collette O’Mahony, Pluralistic Therapist and member of PALM.

Resolving Conflict in Relationships

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Recognising areas of conflict

To diffuse misunderstandings in a relationship, we must focus on the feelings that contribute to the situation by processing our emotions. We can then use analytical thinking grounded in facts rather than emotional thinking based on fear. This helps us to better understand our differences and look for a resolution. Conversely, if we exit relationships rather than work through conflicts, we risk accumulating a pattern of broken connections. While we might make excuses for relationship breakdowns or blame others for being unreasonable, we are ultimately at the centre of all our relationships. It is essential to recognise that conflict arises from our avoidance of processing emotions.

We need intention and self-awareness to follow our behaviour back to its origin. We also require determination. We have magpie minds that alight on glitter rather than mining for real treasure. Once we recognise disturbing thoughts and behaviours, we may feel compelled to struggle against them. We falsely believe that by fighting them, we can eliminate unwanted inclinations. However, our role is simply to be an observer. When we observe difficult thoughts, we must also experience the emotions that accompany them. Avoiding our feelings can result in mental wrestling, leading to a chaotic spiral of thoughts. Notice an emotion in your body that is triggered by a thought or feeling. (Remember, a feeling is an emotion embellished with value judgements; an emotion is a sensation stripped of thought.) Allow the emotion to be as it is, whether it is a tingling or heavy sensation; just observe it without resistance or judgement. With this continued practice, the energy will release and it can no longer fuel difficult thoughts and maladaptive behaviour.

When we become aware of maladaptive behaviours and their source, they cease to have an unconscious hold over us. Instead of an automatic reactive response in a triggering situation, we have a conscious choice of how we act, or react to the emotional stressor. Avoidance is a maladaptive behavioural response to excessive fear and anxiety. Avoiding challenging situations may provide temporary relief, but it can hinder personal growth and fulfilment over time. Avoidance as a coping mechanism leads to dependence, and it undermines our confidence.

We must push through limiting attitudes if we are to germinate and grow. A seed needs darkness to germinate and light to grow. When we are immersed in darkness, we are in germination; we must keep pushing through until we reach the light of a new consciousness, a higher level of understanding. Life is cyclical, seasons come and go, and we are perennial, cosmic flowers having a human experience. 

An extract from – A Compass for Change.

Click on the image to go to my Amazon Bookshelf.

Collette.

Understanding Defence Mechanisms

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Our ability to accept and admit our weakness demonstrates emotional maturity and courage of mind. Good mental health requires us to see past the defence mechanisms we employ to obscure our faults and failings. If we let ourselves be defined by these behavioural flaws, our unconscious thoughts continue to write misleading narratives in the story of our self-identity. Like a poisoned chalice, we must stop drinking from the well of unconscious beliefs. No matter how we try to rearrange or reorder our thoughts, they will not change without first addressing their source. True healing and personal evolution begin with inner reflection, not merely with superficial adjustments. Re-filling a chalice with water from the same poisoned well always has the same harmful effect.

We use all kinds of excuses to justify poor behaviour. These excuses spring from our belief system and are fertilised by unconscious guilt, shame or denial. Admitting we are wrong deflates the ego, while using an excuse neutralises the effect on our self-esteem. Using excuses like being distracted or overwhelmed with work is less damaging to our ego than admitting we are negligent or forgetful. Excusing our behaviour shifts responsibility to external factors, allowing us to avoid accountability. In so doing, we do not have to feel or process any guilt associated with our behaviour.

Excuses can be seen as a way to mitigate personal responsibility or as a subtle form of apology. We often use them in hopes of softening the frustration of someone we have let down, yet consistently relying on excuses can reveal a conscious or unconscious attempt to manipulate other people’s emotions, seeking either pity or control. It’s important to differentiate between someone making an excuse to spare another’s feelings and someone doing so to avoid accountability. When we continually use excuses to mask our behaviour, we are signalling to the world that we have no control over our actions. Our energy conveys that we are not mature enough to take responsibility for our choices and their consequences. Excuses and denial are weeds that choke the seeds of potential. Every excuse we make to avoid facing our emotions stunts our growth, and the harm we inflict on our authentic self is mirrored back to us by the outer world. As we suppress, so we are suppressed; as we deny, so we are denied.

2nd of December 2024.

Extract from A Compass for Change – a roadmap of self-discovery and transformation.

Overcoming Blind Spots in Our Behavior

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We all have blind spots for our behaviour; sometimes it takes someone else to challenge us on our difficult or challenging behaviours. When confronted with these blind spots, we often become defensive or deny them, confusing our behaviour with our sense of identity. We may be within our rights to confront someone about their behaviour, but how we respond makes a difference in whether the situation is diffused or escalates.

If we can respond calmly, we might even get an apology. But if we react with anger, the other person is likely to deny their behaviour. To resolve our anger, we need to identify its source and address it directly with the person involved so they understand the effect their behaviour is having on us. If we stay silent, our bottled-up frustration will probably come out as misplaced anger later.

Accountability is paramount when facing the more challenging parts of our behaviour, feelings and beliefs. While we tend to evaluate others based on their behaviour, we primarily perceive ourselves through the lens of our good intentions rather than the quality of our behaviour. This form of myopia can obscure our awareness, causing us to act out in ways that misrepresent us, and offend others. This is our shadow self or blind-side, the obscured place where opinions, beliefs and prejudices go unnoticed and unchallenged. Developing awareness of our prejudices and assumptions, when processing new information, takes mindfulness and determination. If our behaviour is causing someone distress, it’s important to identify what that behaviour is and adjust our responses accordingly. We need to take responsibility for such maladaptive behaviours by interrupting the automatic cycle that connects emotional triggers to our behaviour and actions. We achieve this through mindfulness. Regular mindfulness practice and a commitment to discovering our true potential can transform our thinking, as well as our words and actions.

When our feelings are clear and unclouded, it leads to more focused thinking. Inspired thoughts that arise from our inner directive lead to inspired action. By taking ownership of our thoughts and actions, we convey a powerful message that we are progressing toward responsibility and unlocking our true potential.

Extract from A Compass for Change – available now on Amazon.

Coping with unwelcome Change.

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A cataclysmic event like the death of a loved one, divorce, or job loss dramatically shifts us from a state of stability into the unknown. Stability offers a sense of continuity, routine, and security, while such unexpected events dismantle that foundation, forcing us into a space where growth, adaptation, and emotional processing become necessary.

When something significant occurs, especially unexpectedly, it directly affects our mental health. These events disrupt our familiar patterns and throw our lives into emotional and practical turmoil. We may experience intense feelings of loss and grief, as our subconscious mind, which thrives on repetition and stability, struggles to cope with sudden change.

Whether the change is gradual, like separation and divorce, or immediate, like the sudden death of a loved one, the event triggers a cascade of emotional and psychological responses such as shock, grief, confusion, and even disorientation. In these moments, our natural inclination is to resist change. The subconscious mind clings to established routines and familiar behaviours, attempting to restore a sense of stability. For instance, someone experiencing bereavement may wake up expecting their loved one to still be there, only to be painfully reminded that they are gone. This is because the subconscious takes longer to process and accept changes that contradict its habitual patterns.

Faced with sudden, unwelcome change, resistance is a natural, almost automatic, reaction. This resistance stems from the mind’s need to hold on to the safety and familiarity of stability. Our subconscious mind is programmed to maintain order through daily habits and conditioned responses, but when those routines are shattered, the mind becomes overwhelmed, leading to a sense of confusion, forgetfulness, and emotional exhaustion. This is evident in the grieving process.

Grief

After the loss of a loved one, it can take weeks or even months for the subconscious mind to adjust to the new reality. During that time, the conscious mind bears the weight of constantly reminding the subconscious that the loss is real, which can feel mentally and emotionally exhausting. This ongoing mental battle adds to the feelings of disorientation that many grieving individual’s experience, leaving them questioning their sanity.

The subconscious starts to adapt in time, and the gradual process of adjustment to sudden change begins. Just as our mind gradually learned routines and habits during stable periods, it can relearn new patterns in the wake of change. But this adaptation doesn’t happen overnight. Eventually, as the subconscious begins to acknowledge the reality of the situation, the emotional and cognitive strain on the conscious mind starts to ease. As the subconscious adjusts, feelings of confusion and mental overload begin to lift. The grieving person starts to experience moments of clarity, and with it, the ability to process their feelings of loss in a more focused and manageable way. This adjustment marks the point where growth begins to emerge from the loss of stability.

A extract from my new book on change and inner transformation – A Compass for Change.