Tag Archives: counselling

A New Era of Therapy.

1 Reply

The landscape of counselling has been transformed by the advent of online therapy. No longer do we need to stress about battling traffic, searching for a car park space near the therapist’s office, or worrying about making it to an appointment on time via public transport. Instead, we can simply make a cup of tea, settle into a quiet space, and click on the secure link sent by our therapist.

The ease and accessibility of online counselling have made therapy more inclusive and convenient, allowing individuals to seek support from the comfort of their own homes. Whether you are juggling a busy schedule, living in a remote location, or simply prefer the privacy of an online session, virtual therapy provides a seamless way to access professional support without additional logistical concerns.

The Changing Face of Online Therapy: Chrysalis and PALM

In the UK, Chrysalis has long been recognised as a leading provider of counselling courses, offering comprehensive training for aspiring therapists nationwide. Recently, they have expanded their services to include online therapy through a pioneering mental health initiative known as PALM.

Palm

I had the privilege of joining the PALM program during its pilot phase, helping to test and refine its online counselling service. The significant interest in this initiative highlights both the dedication of the team behind PALM and the growing demand for hassle-free therapy options. PALM has developed a secure video platform and booking system designed with client confidentiality and user-friendliness in mind. One of its key benefits is the ability for clients to choose a therapist who feels like the right fit for them, reinforcing the importance of a personalised therapy experience.

Making the Most of Your Online Therapy Sessions

From my experience as an online therapist, I have gathered some useful tips for those considering one-to-one online counselling. Implementing these suggestions can help ensure you get the best out of your sessions:

Preparing for Your Sessions

  • Set Clear Goals: Consider what you hope to achieve from therapy. Setting realistic and achievable goals with your therapist can provide a sense of direction and progress.
  • Understand the Process: Ask your therapist how online therapy works and what to expect. If any terminology is unfamiliar, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification.
  • Create a Safe Space: Choose a quiet, private area in your home where you won’t be disturbed. If you’re concerned about being overheard, using headphones can enhance privacy.
  • Minimise Distractions: Turn off notifications, silence your phone, and close unnecessary tabs on your laptop to remain fully present during the session.

During the Session

  • Use Your Time Wisely: Therapy is your space to explore thoughts and emotions that you may not feel comfortable discussing with friends or family. Be open and honest with your therapist about how you’re feeling.
  • Stay Present: It can be easy to let your mind wander, especially in an at-home setting. Engaging fully in the session will help you gain the most from the experience.

After the Session

  • Take Time to Reflect: Once your session ends, check in with yourself. How do you feel? Are you overwhelmed, relieved, or experiencing a mix of emotions? This self-awareness can help you process your thoughts and track your emotional progress over time.
  • Step Outside If Possible: If you’ve had an intense session, a change of scenery, such as a short walk or some fresh air, can help ground you.
  • Reach Out for Support: If you feel the need, consider letting someone you trust know that you’ve had a session. Having a trusted person check in with you afterward can be a source of comfort.

Building Trust in the Online Therapy Space

It’s completely natural for therapy to feel unfamiliar at first. Building trust and establishing a strong connection with your therapist takes time. If you ever feel uneasy or unsure, communicating these feelings with your therapist can be incredibly beneficial. Being open about your experience allows your therapist to tailor their approach to better support you.

Therapy is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth. Whether you’re navigating a significant life transition, coping with grief, or seeking to understand yourself better, online counselling offers a valuable space for reflection and change. By approaching it with an open mind and a willingness to engage, you can make the most of this transformative process—right from the comfort of your own home.

Start your counselling journey today by browsing through Palm’s directory of skilled therapists at palmtalkingtherapy.com

Article written by Collette O’Mahony, Pluralistic Therapist and member of PALM.

Understanding Maladaptive Behaviors

Leave a reply

Maladaptive Behaviour.

Maladaptive behaviour refers to actions that are ineffective or counterproductive when adapting to situations. These behaviour patterns often hinder personal growth, coping skills, or social functioning. For instance, avoidance is a maladaptive strategy, which can lead to conflict in relationships or work, impacting mental health. Maladaptive behaviours are usually formed to serve a purpose, such as relieving stress, or to avoid uncomfortable feelings such as guilt, shame or fear. By understanding their function, we can look at healthier alternatives to fulfil that purpose. We need to recognise the emotional stressors that trigger our maladaptive behaviours. For instance, feeling unwell might lead us to worry that our symptoms indicate a more serious condition. If this behaviour goes unchecked, it may escalate and we start to catastrophise, imagining our illness as a life-threatening disease. This fear often originates from past experiences, such as a loved one who visited the doctor and ended up in the hospital for an extended period, or perhaps never returned home. In this case, the fearful emotional memory is the root cause of the catastrophising behaviour, which in turn induces anxiety.

Passive-aggressive behaviour is a defence mechanism that people use to express negative feelings indirectly rather than confronting them openly. This behaviour often stems from an inability or unwillingness to communicate emotions like anger, frustration, or resentment in a direct, assertive way. Instead of addressing issues head-on, individuals who use passive-aggressive tactics engage in subtle resistance, sarcasm, procrastination, or sullen behaviour. This defence mechanism often develops as a way to avoid conflict or the discomfort of expressing anger openly, especially in environments where direct expression of emotions is discouraged or unsafe. While passive-aggressive behaviour may temporarily shield someone from confrontation, it ultimately undermines relationships and personal growth. It leads to unresolved issues and creates confusion or frustration for others, as the true emotions remain hidden behind a mask of compliance or indifference.

Another example of maladaptive behaviours is people-pleasing, especially if it tries to emulate, rather than demonstrate genuine compassion. People-pleasing can be used to gain social acceptance, affection and to boost low self-esteem. This compulsivity arises from the need to be liked, accepted and fit into society. This maladaptive behaviour in its extreme can result in sycophantic behaviour where acquiescence buys affection, and truth is traded for flattery.

Libido and Mortido by George Mayer.

To uncover the root of a maladaptive behaviour such as catastrophising, people-pleasing or passive-aggressiveness, we must examine our core beliefs, asking ourselves: Who did we feel we had to please in order to survive? And deep down, are we still trying to gain that person’s approval?

It is essential to connect to our authentic self to prioritise our goals and well-being over social approval. When we are guided by our authentic self, we find that our best interest is also for the highest interest of others, this is a natural symbiotic relationship that occurs in the shared fabric of existence.

In our daily life, we encounter triggers that threaten to unlock feelings we have long tried to conceal. Projection, denial and passive aggressiveness are all maladaptive behaviours used to deflect attention from deep rooted psychological pain and vulnerability. While defensive behaviour learned in childhood may have offered us some protection or temporary relief at the time, it often becomes counterproductive in adulthood. Defensive mechanisms we learn in childhood can hinder our ability to form healthy relationships as adults, to address problems constructively, and develop emotional resilience.

It takes intention and self-awareness to follow a behaviour back to its origin. It also requires determination. Once we recognise disturbing thoughts and behaviours, we may feel compelled to struggle against them. We falsely believe that by fighting them, we can eliminate unwanted inclinations. However, our role is simply to be an observer. When we observe difficult thoughts, we must also experience the emotions that accompany them. Avoiding our feelings can result in mental wrestling, leading to a chaotic spiral of thoughts.

Notice an emotion in your body that is triggered by a thought or feeling. (a feeling is an emotion embellished with value judgements; an emotion is a sensation stripped of thought.) Allow the emotion to be as it is, whether it is a tingling or heavy sensation, just observe it without resistance or judgement. With this continued practice, the energy will release and it can no longer fuel difficult thoughts and maladaptive behaviour. When we become aware of maladaptive behaviours and their source, they cease to have an unconscious hold over us. Instead of an automatic reactive response in a triggering situation, we have a conscious choice as to how we act, or react, to the emotional stressor.

From my upcoming book ‘A Compass for Change’ ( A roadmap of self-discovery and transformation). Available soon on Amazon Books.

Collette O’Mahony.

November 2024.

Objectivity and Subjectivity.

Leave a reply

Objectivity is based on realism, it is an unbiased, balanced observation based on verifiable fact. Subjectivity is based on opinion, it is assumption, interpreted without verifiable facts. Objectivity is the perception of external matters; subjectivity is the perception of internal matters. Subjectivity and objectivity co-exist in us and both are necessary pathways to inner and outer awareness. We require a doctor’s unbiased diagnosis, however, their prescriptive treatment may be both objective (based on factual research) and subjective (based on personal/professional experience).

When we are in the throes of a difficult life transition, we want someone to listen to us. If we are not heard on a personal level, our whirlwind of thought and emotion creates a loop of frenetic and agitated behaviour, which in turn leads to anxiety and other mental health issues. We need to look at mental health in a new and productive way, we mustn’t wait until there is a build-up of emotional pain or psychological incapacity before we approach self-help and therapy. We need to recognise the difference between subjectivity and reality, the difference between opinion and fact. Long held beliefs based on childhood conditioning can easily be mistaken for the truth, just as self-talk is confused with true self. We must sift through the subconscious to find the knots that tie us to outdated modes of thinking; conditioned beliefs that no longer serve our best interest.

Image: Brooke Shaden Photography

We need to look at the facts before forming an opinion as opposed to forming an opinion then looking for facts to support it, while ignoring any facts that contradict our set opinion.  Often in life we will clash with someone who has a differing opinion to our own. We are quick to point out the holes in someone else’s opinion but not so eager to examine our own. We tend to align ourselves with people who share our beliefs and think like we do but it doesn’t necessarily follow that we will have the same opinions. Trying to convince someone that they are wrong is futile, instead provide them with the facts and let them come to their own conclusion. The same approach applies to ourselves. If we are entrenched in a particular belief, we must look at the source of that belief and how it underpins our identity. Subjectivity is often based on conditioned beliefs and it requires a shift in attitude and behaviour to allow objectivity to surface. When we cling to a subjective belief, it becomes necessary to our identity, even if that opinion causes us anxiety. We cling to the crumbling ruin of our subconscious beliefs rather than build solid foundations based on realism and objectivity. If we believe the moon is made of cheese, we will avoid any evidence to the contrary because doing so will destabilise our identity. Even if our reasoning is corrupt, we forge ahead with arguments based on hyperbole rather than fact so that we can substantiate our fragile ego. Rather that debate opinion, the mature approach is to sift fact from fiction. If the debate is based on reason and logic, then it is easy to examine the facts. If an argument is based on differing opinions the mature approach is to agree to differ. It is futile to debate whether the moon is made of Wensleydale or Cheddar. We require objectivity for reasoning and critical thinking, subjectivity helps with context and experience.

From my upcoming book – A Compass or Change. For one to one counselling appointments on Zoom contact me here:

Collette O’Mahony 14/04/2024

(info@colletteomahony.com)

Self-Care

Leave a reply

Self-care is our way of prioritising mental, physical and emotional wellness. It can help manage symptoms of stress and anxiety, contributing to our overall well-being. Self-care is the act of caring for ourselves and making a conscious effort to do things we enjoy and that we will benefit from. It’s about being aware of our health, identifying our needs, and taking steps to meet them.

It may sound simple, given that we shower, dress and eat our meals on a daily basis. But self-care is more than taking care of our basic needs in a hurried or frenzied manner while we rush to the next task. We have to listen to our body to truly understand its needs. Keeping busy and socialising may work for some people, but others may benefit from some alone time. Prioritising our mental and emotional health is a priority, all well-being proceeds from here. As the flight attendant tells us in the airline’s ‘case of emergency’ talk before take-off, be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first before seeing to others. This applies to energy also; tap into your own energy source daily to recharge your system. Otherwise, you run the risk of absorbing energy from those around you.

The exchange of energy between people is a secondary supply at best, and is on a lower vibration than source energy. When we interact with people in a passive-aggressive, defensive or a fearful way, we are opening our energy field to negative influences. We run the risk of vibrating at a lower frequency and begin to feel tired, stressed and anxious. To combat this low frequency energy exchange, we must tap into our own source of energy on a daily basis. By practicing mindfulness, we can tap into the energy source at the core of our being. This not only has a calming and uplifting effect but it also helps to set strong boundaries, this will ensure we don’t absorb other people’s negative energy and they are unable to take our source energy through their behaviour and role play.

Keep a self-care journal. Note at least 3 things you did to contribute to your own well-being; such as a walk in nature, a relaxing bath, and 30 minutes of mindfulness. Find things to be grateful for, write them down. Sometimes, when we are at a low-ebb it is difficult to find things to be grateful for, but if you can open your eyes in the morning, walk the dog, see beauty in your surroundings then there are things to be grateful for. Gratitude ignites well-being, with this constant attitude you can transform your life.

I have listed below some essential actions toward well-being and self-care. You may add other things that benefit you such as reading, listening to music, stroking your pet or just sitting quietly with a cup of coffee.

1. Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment, and accepting it without judgment. Mindfulness has been scientifically proven to be a key element in stress reduction and overall happiness. Take at least 10 -15 minutes morning and evening to sit quietly. Make sure your phone is turned off or out of reach. Begin by taking 3 deep breaths, slowly breathing in and slowly releasing. Continue to focus on the breath until you become aware of the breathing process as a natural phenomenon. Your mind will run mental checklists and try to push you into the past or drag you into the future. Rather than resisting, or acting on thoughts, allow them to be there, almost like an overcast sky. Return your focus to the breath by inhaling and exhaling deeply a number of times. Eventually, thoughts will drift off if as you continue your commitment to the present moment.

2. Downtime.

Relaxation can give you some much-needed quiet time. It’s often the only time you can hear your own thoughts and reflect on your feelings. You may know what helps you to relax, like sitting down with a cup of tea and your favourite book, going for a dog walk, or having a long, warm bath. It’s important to schedule some downtime, making time to fully switch is beneficial for your mental and emotional wellbeing.

    3. Set boundaries

    It is important to know it’s not selfish to say no to someone, in fact sometimes it is necessary. Learning to say no without guilt can be empowering. Setting boundaries like this can give you the time and energy you need to rest, recharge and replenish your energy so you can also care for loved ones and family. Saying no isn’t always easy, you may worry you are letting someone down. But an important part of self-care is knowing when to step back and when to reach out for help. Counselling can help you work through these difficulties, teaching you how to set healthy boundaries and know when your mind and body need a break.

      4. Physical Health.

      Your physical health is as important as mental health, and the work hand-in-hand. Incorporating self-care into your lifestyle requires you to look into food nourishment, physical activity and sleeping habits. When we’re swamped with work and family duties, your physical health can often be the first to dwindle. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. If you’re going through a difficult time, sleep gives your body the chance to rest and your mind the time to process your day. What and when you eat can also affect how you feel and how you sleep.

      5. Talking about your situation.

      If you’re finding it hard to cope, talking to others can offer a sense of relief. Sometimes, we can be surrounded by people but we may feel very alone. There are people who care about you and support is available. Perhaps ask a friend to join you on a walk and ask if they could just listen to you talk rather than offering solutions. Part of self-care is not allowing yourself to go through the journey alone, there are several charitable foundations that offer group and one-to-one support. Self-care is about you and your health and there are times in life that we all need support. Never, underestimate the power of talking and listening, knowing that we matter is essential to our wellbeing.

      While self-care is about caring for yourself, seeking and accepting help when it’s needed is a big part of self-management. If you’re stressed, feeling low or having difficulty coping day to day, going through it alone makes the journey all the more difficult. Counselling can help you understand how vital it is to take care of yourself. A counsellor can help you learn how to cope with your emotional stressors and behavioural issues leading to a greater understanding of yourself and those around you. Putting yourself first, contrary to social beliefs, is the single most important step you will ever take towards self-care and continued well-being.

      Collette O’Mahony.

      March 2024.

      If you want to get in touch about online counselling (zoom) you can contact me at info@colletteomahony.com.

      http://www.colletteomahony.com/counselling

      Change and Direction.

      Leave a reply

      One thing to remember when navigating change that it is not a search for something. The seeds of change are already within us, our journey is a measure of distance between germination and fruition. We are born innocent but the seeds of wisdom are within us. Perhaps, we may lose our innocence on the path to wisdom, but the route from one to the other is the journey of a lifetime.  We are precariously perched on wings of hope and destiny, desperately trying not to fall into oblivion. But stronger wings grow from self-love and inner-strength, wings that lift us above fear and failure. These are the wings of Gratitude and Trust.

      Our world cannot change by intentions alone. The behaviour and actions we take on our journey of change is reflected in each step along the way. Some parts may be pleasurable, others we take a much needed rest. There may be roadblocks and obstacles along our path, emotions like thunderstorms will rain down upon us to clear the way. Life will deliver the perfect conditions to support and nurture our growth. Pay close attention to conversations, reactions and habits, they hold clues to our unconscious patterns. Be especially vigilant when triggers are pushed, and the cause of it. It is easier to see faults and failings in others than in ourselves; there is an adage in terms of healing that ‘if you spot it you got it.’ We can turn this reflection to our advantage by making a note of what we resist. Our emotions charge our thoughts, our thoughts inform our behaviour, and behaviour creates character. We need to look at our character from an objective place, as an amalgamation of thoughts, emotions and behaviours. All these elements are interchangeable and fluid, it is our refusal to shift perspective that makes the character feel compacted and frozen in time. Real change is never outside of us, it is within. This requires our emotions to flow freely, our behaviour to be malleable and our thoughts to rise like vapour above the limitations of majority thinking.

      The infinite in us is aware of the finite span of human life. Change and impermanence walk side by side on the road of mortality. Yesterday is consigned to memory and today is the genesis for tomorrow’s attainment. The illusion that things stay the same is down to the same images playing over and over in our mind. Change is certain and impermanence a given. Life by its very nature plants a seed, roots, germinates, grows, blossoms and bears fruit. The fruit contains the seed of new life and the cycle of life continues again.

      Collette O’Mahony 09/03/2024

      Extract from my upcoming book – A Compass or Change – available May/June.